Sometimes someone will tell me something like “My ex girlfriend hates me, how can I get her back when she really hates my guts?” It’s not uncommon for a lot of ex’s to really hate their old partner after a break up. After all resentment is one of the biggest reasons why people break up. I’d be willing to bed that the resentment reached a boiling point before the break up (didn’t it?).

First, of all, don’t feel bad, my ex girlfriend hates me too!

In fact, she hated me after each of the times we broke up.

But does that mean that you can’t get back together with ex girlfriend if she hates you?

Absolutely not!

Like I said before, it’s not uncommon for a lot of women (or anyone for that matter) to really hate their ex after a break up.

Over time, those resentments build and before you know it she starts to blame you for all the problems she’s going through.

Dr. John Gottman from the University of Washington (my alma mater–go huskies!) did a study where he identified that the number one predictor of whether or not a couple will break up or stay together is resentment.

It’s your fault she never goes out anymore. It’s your fault that she’s grumpy all the time. And it’s your fault that she’s wasting her life.

Ouch! That stings, huh?

It might hurt, but trust me that, these feelings toward you will probably pass with a little time (unless you really did something wrong, like killed her cat or something…).

So, if you want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back, take some time off and just give her some space to cool off. She’s probably pissed off, but that will pass with some time.

I mean think about it. You probably really hated that one kid that stole your lunch back in grade school, right? But you probably don’t feel anything now (unless he also stuffed you a locker a few times too).

Your ex girlfriend might hate you now, but her feelings will cool with time.

You want to wait about one month. That way her hatred will wear off, but she won’t have completely forgotten about you or lost all those positive feelings she once had for you.

Plus, you probably need a little bit of time to cool off from the break up yourself. Most people need time to heal from the shock of a break up. During this one month period, you might feel compelled to contact your ex girlfriend and rekindle that love, but you have to stay strong and really follow No Contact for it to work.

Think of this like some kind of initiation ritual. If you can make it through that one month,you’ll feel a lot better about things and you’ll even be in a much better frame of mind to get her back and make your relationship work.

Afterward, simply call her up and tell her that you two haven’t talked in a while and that you’d like to catch up. You’ll find that there’s a very good chance that she not only doesn’t hate you anymore, but that she will probably miss you too and be more than willing to catch up with you.

When your ex girlfriend wants to meet up, make sure that you’re charming and fun to be around–you know, the same guy that she fell for the first time around (it worked before, you can bet it’ll work again!).

So, don’t give up hope if your ex girlfriend hates you. I’ve been there. Lots of people have been there.

Next Steps:

Head on over to my free tutorial on how to get your ex girlfriend back and (even though it might be difficult or even frightening) vow to do No Contact for the next month.

So you’ve been using the No Contact Rule for a while now and you’re ready to break it. But how do you get your ex back after No Contact? Here is a breakdown of the next few steps to getting back together after a break up.

How to Get Your Ex Back After No Contact:

First, Make Contact

Get back in touch with your ex by sending them an email or message telling them that it’s been a while since you two talked (you have been doing No Contact, right? …Right!?).

They should be receptive to this if you haven’t seen them in a month or so. Try to avoid too much small talk and transition to asking them out to meet you in person. After all, you don’t want to tell them everything you’ve been up to now and leave nothing to talk about when you see them in person.

Second, Set Up a Meeting

The next logical step to get your ex back after No Contact is to meet up with them. If your ex girlfriend wants to meet up, then that’s fine, but if they don’t contact you first, suggest that the two of you meet for a cup of coffee or something else that is very low-pressure with little commitment.

If you pick something like a fancy dinner, it might make them more hesitant since if the two of you get into a fight, they may have to wait an hour or longer for the waiter to bring the check.

Keep things easy for both of you by picking something low-pressure like coffee or ice cream.

Third, Take Things Slowly

To get your ex back after No Contact when you meet up, keep things light and relaxed. Try to avoid bringing up topics that are overly negative, and don’t bring up the drama and bad feelings form the break up.

You can talk about these subjects if your ex wants to discuss them, but don’t go out of your way to remind them of negative things.

Take things slowly and start to date your ex at a fairly slow and steady pace. Don’t rush things. I know you want to get back together, but take the time to enjoy dating them again.

Fourth, Get Back Together

At a time that feels right, go ahead and ask your ex to get back together with you. Don’t make a big deal out of it, though. Just tell them that it seems like the two of you have been getting along well lately and that you’ve really enjoyed spending time with them.

If things have been good, then they should be open to the idea of getting back together.

If they aren’t quite ready to give the relationship another shot, just say something nonchalant like “just take it as a compliment” and laugh it off.

Remember, just because they aren’t ready now, doesn’t mean they won’t be next week. Don’t take rejection as a reason to give up. Just take it as feedback that right now isn’t right.

Continue to the Ultimate Guide on How to Get Your Ex Back…

Here are a few questions I get from guys going through the “dark night of the soul” after a break up.

Q: I miss my ex girlfriend so much, what can I do to make the pain go away?

A: I know what it’s like to sit at home on a Friday night by yourself feeling lousy and wanting nothing more than to just have her back in your arms. It hurts. It really does.

So, know that what I’m saying here is from personal experience.

If you want to feel better about yourself, you need to stop looking outside of yourself for your happiness and start finding happiness that comes from within. This might sound like some feel-good nonsense, but you have to understand that as long as you define happiness by something outside of you, you surrender control of your life to that other thing (in this case, your ex girlfriend).

If instead, you can find joy in your own life and in the positive things that you do have going for you. Focus on what you are grateful for and the good things in your life like your friends, your job (those are pretty rare these days), or your health.

Q: Is there anything I can do to get her back? I miss my ex girlfriend so much and I just want her to love me again.

A: Yeah, I wrote a guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back. It really lays out the basic steps to get started.

The hardest part though, is finding the courage to use the No Contact Rule. It really seems counter-intuitive, but trust me, as soon as you start doing it, it will change the dynamic in your relationship with your ex girlfriend. If you don’t feel like you’re making any progress with getting her back, this one thing will really help you.

Q: I miss my ex girlfriend so much and the pain is nearly unbearable. What can I do right now?

A: Okay, I’m going to assume that it’s the middle of the night or in the middle of the day, because those were the worst times for me… being alone with my thoughts while I was doing something mindless at work or tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep.

What you can do right now is find things to focus on that will move your life in a positive direction. If you feel lousy, ask yourself, “what can I do right now to start feeling better?” Maybe you could start exercising to work off some of that stress (bonus: you’ll also get a better body too).

If you focus on improving something in your life like your fitness, your career, or whatever, you will be learning how to control your own happiness. You’ll start to build your confidence again. And you’ll start to appear more attractive to your ex girlfriend (or all the other hotties out there).

Check out my guide on how to get your ex girlfriend back here…

What should you do and how should you prepare for this first meeting after your break up?

Here are a few things to consider when your ex girlfriend wants to meet up:

The first thing you need to do is pick the right location.

Now, women usually aren’t the kind to take the lead in dating, so she probably left it on you to pick the place. If your ex girlfriend wants to meet up and you haven’t seen her in a while, you want to pick a place that sends the right message.

Namely, a place that makes you look good, like you’re the classy sort of guy who “knows places” in town.

I would recommend a local independent coffee shop. Preferably one with some nice character and ambiance. Avoid chain places that have the atmosphere of a cookie cutter, sanitized fast food restaurant.

If you need to go hunting for some cool places until you find one that feels right.

Avoid high action dates like bowling, or impersonal dates like going to see a movie. You want the focus of the date to be on giving the two of you a chance to reconnect and talk, not on how thrilling it was to get that turkey on the bowling alley or CG effects on that scene where the guy cuts off the other guys head with a sword.

Rule of Thumb: Boring is better

The second thing is how to act on the date.

You want to act just like this was a first date with anyone else when your ex girlfriend wants to meet up. That means dress nicely in a casual sort of way, show up on time, and so forth.

When you sit down and start talking with her, try to talk about positive things and avoid negative subjects.

Be funny and relaxed. This is the best attitude to have. If she wants to talk about something more serious, or if she brings up the break up or your relationship, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Just remember to keep things positive if possible.

About the End of the Date

When your ex girlfriend wants to meet up, be sure that you only get together for about an hour or so. No longer. At least not yet.

You don’t want to sit there for hours and hours talking about everything. Leave a little mystery about you so she has a reason to see you again.

If possible, leave on a high note so that you leave her wanting more. Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George decided he was always going to leave the room on a high note and suddenly he became the most popular guy? It’s that same idea.

If the first date went well, you can hang out again, but like I’ve been saying, don’t rush things when your ex girlfriend wants to meet up. Take it slow and enjoy the romance and tension that builds as the two of you slowly start to come back together again.

If you want to learn more about a proven way to get your ex girlfriend back, keep reading…

Why No Contact with Ex Girlfriends or Boyfriends Works – “I Need Space”

If you’re reading this, then there’s probably a good chance you’ve heard something like “I need space” or “we should take a break” before. This is probably the most telling clue about why your ex dumped you.

For one reason or another, she just wants space in the relationship. Your ex wants to be away from you or the relationship for right now. That’s really what all break ups boil down to.

If you use the No Contact Rule, you are giving your ex the space that they want away from the relationship to reconsider their life. This doesn’t mean that you will necessarily lose them though. When they get this space, they might actually realize that they want to work things out with you or that their life with you wasn’t so bad.

The only thing is that they have to figure this out for themselves.

Why No Contact with Ex GF’s or BF’s Actually Makes Them Miss You

But there is also a very subtle psychological thing going on here. When you seem to back off and give them that space, they suddenly feel completely alone.

They have to live with the consequences of breaking up, in other words.

If you don’t contact them, they feel like they have no one to fall back on. No “safe” person to go to when they feel sad or unhappy about life.

This will make them think that you are moving on and that they are losing you. That means that they really might have to face single life on their own. This can seem frightening to them since they are probably used to having someone to talk to at the end of the day (you).

This will get them to miss you and they might even reach out during the No Contact phase (one of the big signs your ex wants you back).

Why No Contact with Ex GF’s of BF”s Can Save Your Relationship

Basically, they stop taking you for granted. They know that you’re not always going to be there for them ready to pick up the pieces if they mess up or decide that breaking up was a bad idea.

They learn to really value you and the relationship. They start to see all the great things about you again and really appreciate them.

Basically, this allows them to see you in the same light as when you two first started dating. They’ll see you with those same love-struck eyes and they’ll really relish all those things about you that are good.

So, if you’re considering using No Contact with your ex girlfriend or boyfriend, I strongly recommend it. You’ll feel a lot better in the long run, and it might just save your relationship.

If You’re Ready to Learn How to Get Your Ex Back, Continue Reading…

Here are a few common questions and advice about what you should do in these situations:

Q: My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me. Is there something I did wrong to cause this?

A: In most cases, yes, actually.

You see, when your girlfriend dumped you, she probably was looking for space away from you and your relationship. For whatever reason, this is really what she wants. She just wants to be away from you and the relationship.

But when you constantly reach out to get in touch with her, there’s a good chance that this is the exact opposite of what she wants.

So what does she do? She pushes you away even more. This might happen until it gets to the point where she won’t even talk to you anymore.

Q: So then what can I do now? How can I get through to her or save my relationship when my ex girlfriend won’t talk to me at all?

A: Well, what you need to do is give her what she wants.

There’s this thing called The No Contact Rule, which can really help you here (see No Contact after breakup).

Basically, you just don’t contact your ex girlfriend at all for one month or so. This gives her time to be away from the relationship, plus it give you time to pull yourself together (let’s be honest, if you’re anything like me, you’re an emotional wreck right now).

When you don’t talk to her for a month, you make her live with the consequences of the breakup. She will probably start to miss you. If she doesn’t contact you during this one month of time, she’ll probably be much more likely to talk to you after one month has passed.

Q: Does the No Contact Rule really work? This seems like the exact opposite of what I need to do. My ex girlfriend won’t talk to me, how is completely cutting off contact going to help?

A: This is a common concern, and it was extremely frighting when I first did No Contact myself.

But this absolutely works. It will do wonders for your personal healing and rebuilding your confidence.

Plus, it will get you ex girlfriend to actually feel the loss of you in her life. She may have over-romanticized single life or breaking up, but when you’re are suddenly gone, she’ll probably start to regret her choice.

Try out using No Contact for a month and don’t be surprised if it starts to have some positive benefits both for you and for your relationship with your ex girlfriend. I know it can be frightening to try it out, but it will really be good for you. So commit to give it a shot for the next one month, starting today.

To Lean More About How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back, Continue…

However, here are a few bits of advice on heartbreak for men:

Discover How to Heal a Broken Heart

What Is Weakness? – Understand that just because you feel horrible, like you’ve been punched in the gut or like there’s this deep sadness in your chest, doesn’t make you weak. You don’t have to pretend like the whole ordeal didn’t affect you at all.

That’s not to say that you need to go around weeping all day either. You’ll probably need to keep yourself together to get through the day and work or school. You still need to function. Just don’t feel guilty or ashamed for your feelings.

Indeed resisting them will only bottle them up and allow them to fester inside of you. Let them out at a safe time, and please don’t feel weak because you feel heartbroken.

Honor Your Old Relationship – Some people will tell you that the best cure for heartbreak for men is to go out and sleep with a bunch of women or just distract yourself. This isn’t healthy. It’s just turning a blind eye to what used to be one of the most important parts of your life.

Instead set a special time just to honor the relationship and mourn it’s passing. Spend a bit of time looking through the old photographs or the ticket stubs. Relive the good times in your mind. It’s kind of like letting the whole beautiful symphony of life (so to speak) roll over you. Just soak up all the pain and all the pleasure.

You really did have something special didn’t you?

Draw a Line in the Sand – Once you’ve had time to sit with your memories, there also comes a time to let them go and move on after a break up. This is one of the biggest tips on heartbreak for men that most guys overlook.

True healing doesn’t come from distracting yourself or from living a shallow life filled with meaningless fleeting pleasures. True healing comes from recognizing the break and setting a new course for your life.

Take some time and plan out where you want your life to go from here. What do you want to create? What inspires you? What do you want for yourself? Your community? Like it or not, a chapter in your life has closed, and a new chapter is just beginning.

This may seem sad, but when you consider that you are the author of your own life, this really can be quite an exciting time for you. With the new freedom you have, you can make just about anything of yourself. The real question then becomes, what kind of story will you write as you stare at this blank page of your new life?

These are the 3 healing phases of heartbreak for men. If you really want to recover instead of simply numbing yourself, take the time to really understand these 3 things and start putting them into action in your life.

Continue for Free Tips to Help Heal a Broken Heart

I know what it’s like to sit there, heartbroken and missing your partner, so let’s cut to the chase here. Here’s how to get your ex to like you again:

You have to be the person they first fell in love with.

Now, there’s a good chance that you’ve changed over the course of your relationship. Those happy times together and lazy Sunday mornings somehow got replaced by bickering and Monday morning rushing around. to put it bluntly you’ve changed.

If you want to get your ex to like you again, you need to undo all those negative emotions that have built up over time and go back to that initial spark that attracted the two of you together in the first place.

Think back to the time the two of you first met. Think back to those first few dates the two of you had together. What were you like? Were you happy and carefree? Were you more the shy and mysterious type? I don’t know, but that’s the kind of person that your ex likes, and that’s the kind of person you need to be again to get them to like you.

Of course, there’s also the possibility that maybe you did something wrong to make them dump you. Maybe you cheated. Maybe you lied. Or maybe you lost her dog when she trusted you to take care of it while she was gone for a bit (or is that just me?).

Anyway, if you blew it, you need to apologize for that. Make sure you know exactly what you are apologizing for, since just a generic apology just to smooth things over is just going to make your ex even more angry at you. Give them a heartfelt apology that you really mean.

Be okay with the fact that they might still be angry at you. That’s fine. People usually are more forgiving with time, and if you made an honest effort to make things right, then they really can’t hold anything against you.

That’s really how to get your ex to like you again. Become the person they fell in love with the first time around and give them an honest apology for anything you may have done wrong. Then just back off and let them soak everything in. It may take time for your ex to come around and warm up to you again, but just trust that this is really all you can do. Anything else may actually just set you back and hurt your chances in the long run.

Check out this free guide on how to get your ex back for more…

Here are a few bits of wisdom that should help get you on the right track on how to get your ex girlfriend back.

First, understand that you can’t just say something to get her back if you’re just using hollow words.

You have to back up what you say by actually making some changes in the way your relationship functioned.

You can’t just tell her “things will be different this time, please give me another chance.” You have to really show her that things will be different. Ask yourself why she broke up with you. If you need to get your life together and take care of some things, then do that. She’ll see the changes and be more likely to want to try working things out if she thinks there’s a real chance you’ve changed.

Second, if you have made some genuine changes in your life, then you have to understand that it doesn’t matter so much what you say to her, but how you say it to her.

You can memorize even the most perfect things to say to get your ex girlfriend back, but if you don’t say them in the right way, they’ll just fall flat.

So, what is the right way to say things? I’ll tell you what it isn’t. Most guys get so nervous that they rehearse some kind of speech that they want to tell her. This isn’t the way you want to sound. You’ll be so caught up in your head, repeating those magically crafted words that you won’t be there with her at all.

You want to stay in the present moment instead. Be there with her and really feel the moment with her. Tell her how you feel, but be aware of how it is impacting her. If she doesn’t seem to be receiving it well, you definitely don’t want to continue on with your speech. Instead, stop and ask about her reaction. Dig deeper and try to figure out how she feels and really listen to her.

Third, you have to be okay with either a yes or a no – There really are not magic things to say to get your ex girlfriend back.

If you’re caught up in getting her to say yes to giving your relationship another shot, she will feel that. She’ll feel this sort of stress that your emotional happiness rides on getting back together with her and it will be off-putting.

Instead, you want to be completely happy with your life with or without her in it. Think back to before you met her. You didn’t need her in your life back then. You just wanted her in your life that first time you asked her out. She might have said no, but you would have gotten over it, right? You need to approach her with that same mindset

Check out these first three steps to get your girlfriend back

Should you answer the phone? Reply to that email? Or should you just keep doing No Contact and make them suffer for once?

Trust me, I’ve been there myself. I remember that day that I was walking home from work. The sun was out and I was actually starting to move on and feel good about my life, on my own, for once.

Then my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket, looked down and saw that caller ID image of my ex girlfriend. To be honest, it was a bit of a strange feeling. It felt like a flashback to when we were together, it all felt so familiar. At the same time, this was something I wanted for so long. It was unreal.

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How to Get Your Ex Back

So, if you find yourself in this situation, what do you do when your ex contacts you?

First thing’s first. If your ex contacts you, you need to figure out why they are doing it. there are really only two reasons your ex would contact you.

• One, they have some sort of unresolved logistical thing to take care of. Maybe they forgot some clothes at your place, they need you to pay your half of the phone bill for the last month you two were together, or something along those lines.

• Two, they have still have feelings (of any kind) for you. If your ex contacts you for any other reason, it is probably because they still have feelings for you. Whether good or bad feelings, they’ve still got it bad for you. Yes, that’s right, even if they’re acting hostile or angry toward you it still only shows that they aren’t quite over you yet.

Okay, so those are the two motivations for contacting you, but what do you do about it? Do you pick up the phone? Or do you just barrel ahead with No Contact and try to move on with your life?

Well, once again, this depends on two things.

• One, if you are trying to move on with your life and you have no interest in getting back together with them. If this is the case, then you are probably better off no answering the phone when your ex contacts you. Talking to them or seeing them again will stir up all sorts of memories. You could be opening the door to lots of drama in your life if you find out that they are seeing someone new or that their jealousy might ruin your chances of seeing someone new.

• Two, if you are trying to get back together with them. Well, if you are trying to save your relationship with your partner, then this can absolutely seem like good news. After all, if they want to talk to you again, contacting you is definitely a step forward.

However, I wouldn’t recommend being too available for them. You can all them back or reply to their emails, just make sure you do it on your own terms. Make them wait a day or two before you contact them back. This will build up anticipation during that time. They won’t be able to think about anything else but you during those few days, and when you do finally get back to them, they will be quite happy about it (definitely something you want them associating with you).

So, you see it really depends on what your target outcome is here. If you want to move on, then I recommend not getting in touch with them for your own sake. But if you want to get back together, then call them back, but make them wait a bit first before doing so. this way they’ll learn to respect and value you.

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How to Get Your Ex Back