So you and your ex broke up? I’m sorry to hear that. Break ups are never easy and there are often a lot of unresolved feelings following the end of a relationship. But can you and your ex be friends after a break up or is that just wishful thinking?
Like all things in life, the answer is not clear-cut. Sure, so people can go on to be friends after a break up, but for others it just turns into an unhealthy relationship.
Friends After a Break Up – The Good, Bad and Ugly
The Good
If you can be friends after a break up and still be friendly and nice with each other, that is always a great situation to be in. The two of you can see each other at a party and have a nice conversation without any resentment or backhanded. The two of you can remember the good times, and you’re both mature enough to laugh at all the petty disagreements you’ve had. Neither one of you is clinging to the idea of getting back together or hopelessly pining for the other.
The Bad
The bad side of being friends after a break up is when one of you really wants to be more than friends. One of you is eager and desperate to win the affection of the other back and does everything to please and make the other person happy.
This of course, isn’t real friendship. It’s a form of manipulation where one person is using the other as basically a glorified servant, constantly stringing the other along in the hopes that they can get back together.
The Ugly
And of course, the worst possible situation to be in when you’re friends after a break up is to still hold a grudge against each other but to be passive aggressive about it. Maybe the two of you have the same friends and you have to deal with being around each other, so you just put up the illusion of being “friends.”
Really though, this can end up being a very nasty relationship. The two of you may end up struggling to make the other one jealous, or rub the other’s nose in the fact that you might have just started a new relationship. Or even just casually bringing up the other person’s shortcomings or faults in order to get a quick dig at them. Either way, this kind of “friendship” isn’t good and will just make everyone feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Don’t get me wrong now. Being friends after a break up can be a very good experience. You just need to ask yourself which of these three scenarios is more likely to happen. If you think it might be one of last two, then I would suggest that you wait and take some time off from your ex before trying to be friends. The wounds of the break up are still fresh. Give them time to heal and give yourself and your ex time to move on and recover from the break up. After some time, the two of you can find the maturity to have a real and healthy friendship together.
Learn the Secrets to Keep The Spark Alive
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Thanks for the advice. I agree that being friends with an ex may not be easy, but it definitely can be done with some work and dedication. Just like anything else in life, it’s a lot easier said than done